


Rewind

by millygal



Category: Life on Mars (UK)
Genre: Character Death, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 17:11:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10644360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/millygal/pseuds/millygal
Summary: Warnings never heeded.





	

The world spins, wrapping itself round Sam, making his head and his heart call out, for once, in unison. It's the tiny part inherent in every human being, the need to skip, to hop, to jump, to feel nothing beneath their feet. 

It settles itself at the back of the brain, a quiet voice that hisses and scratches at the walls imprisoning it. Until one day, all that matters are those few, too few seconds of freedom before the inevitable happens.

Sam's feet leave stone still running, still swinging his arms and he's flying. For those precious few moments before gravity has her wicked way, he's flying. 

He's free, he'll always be free. It doesn't matter if he never reaches the bottom, for now, in this shining moment, he's all things to all people and nothing to no one.

As it's want to do, the inevitable does indeed sneak up and he's no longer flying but falling, down down down, until his stomach's in his throat and he's breathing fire.

He heads towards the ground at a maddening speed. Instead of everything rushing by in an instant, it slows to a crawl and he can see the faces of all those he'll be leaving behind, floating in the air beside him.

A second before his brain is pushed through his arse and he's a Jackson Pollock impression, he regrets. Regrets goodbye's never said, hello's never ventured, apologies never offered.

That finite doubt seeps in, saturates his mind and his body, holds him back, refuses to let him go. Then he's no more, hot and cold, black and white, life and death. All gone, all melted into one big mess of nothing.

******

He opens his eyes, feels concrete beneath his feet instead of gravel and looks down at a building and a life he's sure he left behind.

This time, it'll work this time.

The world spins, wrapping itself round Sam, making his head and his heart call out, for once, in unison. It's the tiny part inherent in every human being, the need to skip, to hop, to jump, to feel nothing beneath their feet. 

It settles itself at the back of the brain, an inescapable voice that screams and claws at the bars surrounding it. Until one day, all that matters are those few, too few seconds of freedom before the inevitable happens.

Sam's feet leave stone still running, still swinging his arms and he's flying. For those precious few moments before gravity has her wicked way, he's flying. 

He's trapped, he'll always be trapped. He doesn't think he'll ever reach the bottom, right now, in this unforgivable moment, he's everything to everyone and nothing to nobody.

As it's want to do, the inevitable does indeed sneak up and he's no longer flying but falling, down down down, until his stomach's in his throat and he's spitting ice.

He heads towards the ground at a maddening speed. Instead of everything rushing by in an instant, it slows to a crawl and he can see the faces of all those he'll be leaving behind, floating in the air beside him.

A moment before his mind and body disintegrate and he's nothing more than a memory, he remembers. Remembers goodbye's never said, hello's never ventured, apologies never offered.

Warnings never heeded.

Time and madness become the same thing, he watches it over and over, the leap, the flight, the life he never lived. All gone, all concentrated in one bloody spot on the pavement.

******

He opens his eyes, feels concrete beneath his feet instead of gravel and looks down at a building and a life he's sure he left behind.

Not for the first time, he screams.


End file.
